you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
