You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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