She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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