Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
