you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
