You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
