Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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