Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
