Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
