you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
