I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
