We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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