so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
