i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
