Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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