Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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