not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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