Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize