Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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