Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
