The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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