can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
