you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
