We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
