David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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