trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just pee around me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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