omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
dude. I can hear the air.
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