I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
