people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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