Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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