he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
