remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
