girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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