So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
