Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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