She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
