I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
