help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
