are you still at the devil's house?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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