im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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