She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
