U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have tasted many bathrooms
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
