his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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