i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I need a burrito and a hug.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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