i wish peter jackson would direct porn
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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