The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
