I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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