12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
