You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize