sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this boner is exhausting
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
