we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
