Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
