I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
