I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
