Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
