I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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