I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
