Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
