Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
