so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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