I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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