Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
