So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
