Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
