You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
