We're like a lot better than the average bears
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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