it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize