I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can tuck mytits in my pants
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
