If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
