Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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