He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
