I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
