i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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