Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
