Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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