and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
