To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
