Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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