So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
