those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
