saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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