Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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