she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
