I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
not ubering you a puppy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
