Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
