Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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