I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
