8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk is not a location!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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