I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize