hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
