you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
