I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
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