the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
