Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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