I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
