i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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