Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
