so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
